wanna go halves on a baby?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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