he wants to bone in the snuggie
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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