if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
