Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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