Do you still have your period?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i came on her dog
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize