Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
