We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
