he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize