i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
