the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
honey bunches of taint.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Randomize
