The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
