I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
