god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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