Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
