I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
