I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
