He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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