absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
