I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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