I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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