So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
