im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
