dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
