NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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