if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
