Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
