I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize