found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
