you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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