we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
