thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
