Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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