At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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