Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
