I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
