Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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