I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
