when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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