omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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