I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
