3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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