hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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