When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
