I bet he comes in French.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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