Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
