JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
