I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
