Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
