I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
