I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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