He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
