Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
