Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
