Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
