I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize