eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
