It's Friday. Sex?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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