Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
