i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
