i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
