My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
