I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize