i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
