You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
