Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
