He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
