the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
