this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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