Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
