you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
