Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
