Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So squirting runs in the family.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
