Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
