he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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