I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we're making bets on your personal life
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
