How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
