My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize