We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
