I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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