You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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