you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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