I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
