Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
