I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
