At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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