he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
