You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
