Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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