Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize