if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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