Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
