can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
4 words: hood of his car
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
