the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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