Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
