We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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