if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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